Oh man, how on earth does this thing work?

Hey hey ladys and lads visiting my page! I don't mean to alarm you but I am a bit of a technical meatsack, hence my ugly colour choice and most likely confusing layout. I apologise but have no real intention of improving. Sorry.

If you were still under the impression that this page was an insight into the life and times of my travels in Chile, that I have to sadly dash your dreams of a hilarious tale of my incompetence- I'm back in NZ baby! However, seeing as I've had such a great response to my blog and since my theripist thinks it's a good way for me to share my thoughts (joke), I am going to continue this blog, most likely in a random fashion, with tales of day to day hilarious misunderstandings, annoyances, and general thoughts from out of the blue.

Enjoy, or don't, its your call.

Saturday, January 29, 2011

Slow walkers, where do you get off? (Often nowhere because you are to slow to reach your destination).

Evening blog followers...

My rapid demise from a taxpaying, university educated, seasoned traveller to a dole bludging, unemployed teacher who is forced to lead a life of socialising, eating and watching copious amounts of dvds, has all and all made for a rather uninteresting lifestyle and certainly not one worth honouring with a blog. However, i'm doing it anyway baaaaby!

Although I thought my trials and tribulations would be solved upon return to the land of the free/English speaking, it seems that Chile was a mere prelude to the pains to come, and this week I feel the focus needs to lie upon the S.W's- Slow Walkers as they are more commonly known.

So there you are, in Westfield Chartwell, and all you want to do is make a purchase- (Insert purchase here), and then potentially head down to the foodcourt for a tantalising meal of some variety.
You head off in search of your destination, when suddenly BAM! You are stopped dead in your tracks by any number of people (and you only need about two for this to be put into effect), who are unwittingly hogging the entire walkway. The number of times that I have nearly done a "fall on top of and crush" combo because I have misjudged the speed (or "slow" as I like to call it) of these walkers is getting to the point of insanity. One of these days I'm going to wake up with a medical bill for some granny who I bodyslammed while simply trying to make my way down to Glassons for a 2 for $15 deal on the singlets rack.

Case and point in this here example- The other day at Chartys, I was involved in an escalator pile up. An escalator pile up you ask? Whats that? I'll tell you what. A simple escalator ride gone wrong is what it is, and all due to the slow paced mover at the drop off who is NOT keeping up their end of the good citizen bargain and is taking the escalator and life in general at 500metres per hour. Anyhow, the situation got messy, with myself and a number of other good citizens having to do the glide and spring- basically performed by firmly placing one foot on the solid floor at the end of the escalator and using this foot to propel yourself into a spring to either the left or right, to avoid a lethal pile up with the Honourable Good Sir Slow Walker who is still meandering off dead ahead. I'm glad to say in this Escalator Pile Up, or EPU as I call them, was only a narrow miss- I managed to perform the glide and spring with only centimetres to spare- God forbid if the Slow Walker had been wearing a woolly jumper.

This blog rant or brant, as it here forth shall be known by, is almost over, only before I go, know this. Before you go judging me and thinking that I am only targeting old or physically disabled people here with the slow walking conundrum, its necessary you know that I have seen people of every social class, ethnicity, religion, age, sex and physical ability commit this offence.

Remember, its not where you walk, its HOW you walk.

Hope you enjoy the first of the new-age posts, feedback would be a joy, even if its only to tell me you don't like it (haters, back off).